disturbing

i got some horrific news saturday that i am still trying to process. a friend committed suicide friday morning.

mike and i weren't close friends, but we used to hang out some. i met him last november through my good friend steve. we had a great time hanging out with my group of friends and over the next month or so we went out as a group several times. i had a bit of a crush on mike but nothing ever came of it. he was the type of guy i was often attracted to. he had a "bad boy" edge to him but was funny and fun to be around.

right before christmas i moved to franklin so i didn't see or talk to mike much after that, but my group of friends continued to spend time with him.

i am still in shock that this happened. i have never quite understood what would make someone so desperate that suicide seems like his or her only option. we've all gone through tough times, and sometimes i have wondered what exactly i am here for, but i've never been to the point where i considered taking my own life.

when you hear about someone who does this, his or her friends and family often say they would never suspect this, he or she had so much to offer and live for, in a million years they never thought they would go through this. in this case, from where i stand, all of this is true. from what i knew of him, mike was trying to get his life in order, he loved his family and friends, he was happy-go-lucky and liked to have a good time. he did not seem brooding, or depressed, or anything you would think a "suicidal" person would be.

more than ever i am convinced that you never, ever know what any individual is going through, and that is why it is important to treat EVERYONE with kindness and understanding, as hard as it may be at times. i never thought mike would be dealing with demons that no one, in his eyes, could understand. i, nor do i think that any of our mutual friends, were aware that he was at the brink of being unable to live everyday life and deal with what comes our way. or maybe this was something he did in the heat of the moment, in which case i still don't think it is something anyone could have predicted.

if anyone is reading this, please keep the o'connell family in your thoughts and prayers. mike will be missed by many.